By the way I did not grammar check this so be careful when reading it.
So recently I have been rating my daily mental health. Sometimes I share with my husband, oh by the way I am married to the sweetest and kindest man and he totally gets me. He is one of those genuine people that is very real and just so thoughtful. Back to my first thought, I have been rating my wellness from 1 to 5. 5 is being happy or good and 1 is sad and not good. During this time of uncertainty, quarantine, and civil rights; I have never ask why so much. I feel like I am person that was raised to respect everyone and be kind to all even if they are rude to you. Also my favorite is the ignore and walk away, if someone is rude to you. I am feeling "off" because of all of things, the obvious ones but also because I realize that I have been unable to share my gifts and talents in my community. I am art teacher. I love and enjoy educating young minds, that is my calling and I feel such happiness when I am able to teach. Distance learning took away some of that joy for me. I have family and close friends that are health care workers, first responders, and front line workers too. They have been showing such amazing and beautiful sacrifice. I hope I am strong enough to do the same in my life, if called to do so in the future. The rating 1 to 5 is also connected to my self-esteem as well. I did warn my husband about my self-esteem being effected by distance learning and the lack of interaction with students in-person, in my classroom. The joy of teaching students the ability to express themselves in a safe environment, free from judgement and full of caring and kindness. I take pride in the fact that art education is more than paint and charcoal, it is about teaching the child to be an mindful artist. Being an artist means that you work hard, you keep trying to tap into that creative thing inside of you and try sharing yourself with those around you. Sharing and expressing yourself on paper, canvas, or in clay; is a very hard feet. An artist has to be able to listen to others and then respectful share their views and learn from that collaboration and create something that is meaningful to themselves. Artists need to respect themselves and their creative craft and respect the craft of others as well. The word artist is a title that is important, it means to me that I have the ability to share my soul with others a say something. My soul has meaning, my thoughts have meaning, and we are all artists. We all can create. We all just have different ways that we create. Sorry I will get off my art teacher soap box. I will just say I am sorry if any art teacher has ever said "you are not good at art." Ignore that persons words, because they do not help the creative mind. You can do anything that you want to do. Dream.
Sorry I got caught up in ensuring that children of the world have a voice. Everyone should have a voice and should be heard. Every child has the right to have an education and no one has the right to prevent them from learning. That statement is something we think about as educators that have completed survival teaching. " You do what you can to survive" and you whatever you can for your own sanity and well-being. But you have to leave before your you are changed completely and forgot why you wanted to teach in the first place.
In reference to respecting teachers, I was taught to respect all teachers and no matter what they looked like. Their ethnicity and gender was not a factor. When teaching in city of St. Louis I realized that I was walking into a classroom as a minority thinking I was going to be respected, like I had automatically respected my teachers from preschool through grad school. This was not the case. I had to earn it. By the way, I am Italian and my students (a student body 98% African American) asked if I was mixed (half Black and half White), when I said "no, I am Italian" and they said like, "Olive Garden." I was like, "yes." I thought it was an interesting conversation and to realize where these kids were coming from. I still get asked "What are you?" every so often. Even going to Italy on our honeymoon, a store owner said, "wait I do not know what language to speak to you in." Back to the topic of earning respect your from your students; this something that is not taught in grad school, at least not mine. So I realized I had to prove that I cared for them as children, artists, and students. When I started building relationships with them by ask about their lives outside of school, their families, and what they like about art; I started gaining respect. It was real respect but very gradual. Some students respected me but still had personal trauma, intensive behaviors, learning disabilities that were not addressed. These things made it hard for them to have a consistent and positive learning experience everyday in my classroom, as well as the fact that it was first year teaching art. I was a special education teacher assistant (Paraprofessional) for 2 years before that. So I was learning from the teachers and the principal at this school and in the district. But I was so stressed and cried numerous times in my supply closet and I lost almost 20 lbs (not on purpose). I only worked there a year, but I learned so much and I know I have suppressed so much of what happened at that school. Learning about their own lives outside of school and witnessing weekly and sometimes daily fights in my room, I realized that maybe I have a tiny nugget of trauma. I used cooking as a way to control my life. I would cook every night to find a sense of control and it was healthy food too. It was my own form of therapy.
So right now I am feeling about a 3.5 and I almost on a happy 5. Also FYI being happy is something you have to work for my mom has always told me. You gotta work for it. Maybe as a child it was easier, but not now. Though fresh nachos and ice cream in cones will always make me smile, deep happiness is not that easy. Remember to be kind and actively show it today by doing something. One of my new goals is to change my curriculum and add even more diversity in the master artists that my artists {students :)} learn about in my classroom. Also teaching more about being actively kind and expressing themselves without feeling ashamed about it.
"Remember to were all a part of the same race, the human race."-Jane Elliot (I believe)
